And Yes, I HAVE Lost My Mind

It’s  way past three in the morning and I am applying nail polish.

Before any one of you can utter- WTF! Have you lost your mind? -  read through what all I have been doing tonight.

1)      We see-off a few friends who had come over for dinner. We drag Zero back home, change and get ready for a good-night’s sleep.

2)      Zero and the Husband start snoring immediately.

3)      I lie on my left and feel the entire stomach slide towards the left, the rib cage reaches my throat, my back hurts, I can’t breathe- I try turning on my right.

4)      While turning my back feels like snapping in two.

5)      The Husband engulfs me in his arms, I pat his dimpled cheeks.

6)      I now lie on my right and in sometime feel the entire stomach slide towards the right, the rib cage reaches my throat, my back hurts, I can’t breathe- I try lying straight on my back.

7)      While turning my back feels like snapping in two.

8)      I now lie straight on my back. The stomach does not move but in sometime my back feels like snapping into two, rib cage reaches my throat and I can’t breathe.

9)      I watch the snoring Husband. I am engulfed by a sudden maddening rage. I whack him. He sleepily turns away from me and starts snoring again.

10)   I get up and walk and almost trip over the snoring dog. I am engulfed by a sudden maddening rage. I kick him. He turns away from me and starts snoring again.

11)   I walk over to the fridge- get a huge piece of Cheese Cake and eat it while I count and try figuring out who snores more- the Dog or the Husband.

12)   I come back to bed.

13)   Repeat 3 to 7.

14)   I get up. I pray. I walk. I cry.

15)   I walk over to the fridge and get some mishti dahi and eat it while I count and reach the conclusion that the Dog definitely snores more than the Husband.

16)   I come back to bed.

17)   Repeat 3 to 7

18)   I get up. I pray. I walk. I cry.

19)   ..........

20)   ....

21)   I start applying nail polish.